Day 1 : A bad way to start a write up….but I had to put it down on somewhere, something is not right…these weird dreams…deaths, sex, crazy life games and weird situations. Adding to it my sisters comes up to me on a lazy Sunday and say’s the most unusual thing I have ever heard about myself “what is wrong with you???!!??? You’ve started sleep talking!!!!” .Quickly I slip into a thinking process again, what exactly is happening??? Why cant I sleep well….
Just to brief you about my health history, I suffer of two nerve blockage in my grey cells, my medicines are more like prescribed dope given by my doctors, im high 24x7..i have been sleeping early..this is so not me…is it the medicines? I still cant sleep….i wake up from a nightmare though unclear what exactly it was..its like a blurred vision, the more you try to get a clearer picture the worse it gets!
Im waiting at the lobby of a 5star hotel wondering when my meeting is going to begin irrespective of the fact I cant get over the earlier part of the nightmare. I was making out with my best friend!!!!! Why do I call it a nightmare then? Its because im in a relationship from the past 18months with the girl I lowe, still asking the same question?? That good friend and me never would reach such a stage. This is not the first time something of this sort has occurred. I must have died a zillion death’s…killed a zillion people..friends/family/common people all of them killed/chopped/butchered by my bare hands. I still ask..is it me or ‘my medicines’
I wouldn’t call myself a normal person, but at the same time I hate doing that, I hate the self proclaimed names that people give themselves’ I hate the whole notion and logic of it…to my understanding its like crowning yourself and having fools clap for you. But I had to describe myself in the first line or else nothing would make sense. Im suffering of a complex dilemma syndrome’ hahahahahah now that’s a self stated/created disorder!! I bet my doctor also wouldn’t have an answer to that. I’m scared that I might die of a severe brain hamroage..the condition of my grey cells is getting worse day by day but on the weird side im also excited to get an elevated balcony view of my funeral, though I try controlling my weird conversations with my girlfriend sometimes I cant help it and she just hates them, understandable you cant really except to talk about your funeral with someone who lowes you right?? Well I think its cool….there! is it me or ‘my medicines’
Aaah my photographer is late by 30mins and I’m already having thoughts to kill him and butcher him…or just light him up in flames and shout ‘Happy Diwali’ – Diwali – Indian festival where one of our Holy Gods’ called RAM comes back to his village destroying the bad guy (again Ram thought he was the bad guy) Rawan because he kidnapped his wife! That’s the story that most of the Indian kids grow up to, everyone remembers what the Rawan did but I doubt anyone really cares what Ram did to piss the giant off first, I’m a perfect example to that. So back to my photographer being late….well I don’t really care, right portion of my grey cells is numb, I have lost my voice due to abusive use of dark rum, I can still taste the last nights alcohol off my lips……yes I’m an alcoholic too! I cant stop myself when offered alcohol, I cant restrict myself to few drinks and I end up flat/smashed outta my head counting the stars that shine off my bedroom walls, so much so for being an alcoholic….i’m still trying to figure out if alcohol intake is affecting my medicinal intake, its very simple…you cant mix chemicals and alcohol together …well these are prescribed by the doctor….did my doctor ask me to stop drinking??? A BIG NO to that!
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