Beauty of a peeled out wall

Frog eat Frog

Day 13 : Pounding headache, numb legs wondering how did they survive a night surrounded by people injected with botox and surgically stretched skins to look nothing but PERFECT! I walked the red carpet yes I walked down and up and up and down and again down and up, did I just rhyme? Well no! Im still trying to get over the 5 hours I spent clicking people that I wont even bother pointing my lens at even after being paid a handsome amount of Gandhi’s.

Its one of those nights where you just don’t wish to be at work the very next day, not because i didn’t meet my company’s expectations, its because my grey cells are too clogged with the thought of not being happy of what my camera has produced!

Yes! I am a photographer and I don’t like the current set of photographs! I work in a place where people wouldn’t expect me to be there, if they knew me or if they knew me all to well they would simply be like…its too easy and its all about the money. Im happy working at a place where I consider myself to be a poison arrowed frogs among all the other huge bull frogs! Everyone is out here to eat each other up expect for the fact these bull frogs don’t realize the consequences of eating me up *poisoned arrowed frog?!? I wonder the slow death these people would face on swallowing me…wonder what would kill them first?

My grey cells have had mixed reactions to the place I dwell between 11 to 6 but I cant deny my love for one thing that’s the early morning nicotine in the blood and sips of green tea to start the day surrounded by FROGS! As I hop, skip and jump on the floor I am extending my territory, leaving my trail behind and having someone new every time to follow. I’m not the sorts to go down on anyone and lick their ass clean till the person realizes the tongue has gone dry and its nothing but a lump in his or her ass, in my case its her ass and its a lot of tongues…aaaahhh the whole idea of not how hard one works but how hard do you try to claim to do work is what counts, I must say I should carry a gun to my office just incase.

So I plan to hope skip and jump around the 4^th leaf in a renowned pond and meet some more frogs some more tongues who love to lick and some more unknown territories to discover.

Is it 'my medicines'?

Day 1 : A bad way to start a write up….but I had to put it down on somewhere, something is not right…these weird dreams…deaths, sex, crazy life games and weird situations. Adding to it my sisters comes up to me on a lazy Sunday and say’s the most unusual thing I have ever heard about myself “what is wrong with you???!!??? You’ve started sleep talking!!!!” .Quickly I slip into a thinking process again, what exactly is happening??? Why cant I sleep well….

Just to brief you about my health history, I suffer of two nerve blockage in my grey cells, my medicines are more like prescribed dope given by my doctors, im high 24x7..i have been sleeping early..this is so not me…is it the medicines? I still cant sleep….i wake up from a nightmare though unclear what exactly it was..its like a blurred vision, the more you try to get a clearer picture the worse it gets!

Im waiting at the lobby of a 5star hotel wondering when my meeting is going to begin irrespective of the fact I cant get over the earlier part of the nightmare. I was making out with my best friend!!!!! Why do I call it a nightmare then? Its because im in a relationship from the past 18months with the girl I lowe, still asking the same question?? That good friend and me never would reach such a stage. This is not the first time something of this sort has occurred. I must have died a zillion death’s…killed a zillion people..friends/family/common people all of them killed/chopped/butchered by my bare hands. I still ask..is it me or ‘my medicines’

I wouldn’t call myself a normal person, but at the same time I hate doing that, I hate the self proclaimed names that people give themselves’ I hate the whole notion and logic of it…to my understanding its like crowning yourself and having fools clap for you. But I had to describe myself in the first line or else nothing would make sense. Im suffering of a complex dilemma syndrome’ hahahahahah now that’s a self stated/created disorder!! I bet my doctor also wouldn’t have an answer to that. I’m scared that I might die of a severe brain hamroage..the condition of my grey cells is getting worse day by day but on the weird side im also excited to get an elevated balcony view of my funeral, though I try controlling my weird conversations with my girlfriend sometimes I cant help it and she just hates them, understandable you cant really except to talk about your funeral with someone who lowes you right?? Well I think its cool….there! is it me or ‘my medicines’

Aaah my photographer is late by 30mins and I’m already having thoughts to kill him and butcher him…or just light him up in flames and shout ‘Happy Diwali’ – Diwali – Indian festival where one of our Holy Gods’ called RAM comes back to his village destroying the bad guy (again Ram thought he was the bad guy) Rawan because he kidnapped his wife! That’s the story that most of the Indian kids grow up to, everyone remembers what the Rawan did but I doubt anyone really cares what Ram did to piss the giant off first, I’m a perfect example to that. So back to my photographer being late….well I don’t really care, right portion of my grey cells is numb, I have lost my voice due to abusive use of dark rum, I can still taste the last nights alcohol off my lips……yes I’m an alcoholic too! I cant stop myself when offered alcohol, I cant restrict myself to few drinks and I end up flat/smashed outta my head counting the stars that shine off my bedroom walls, so much so for being an alcoholic….i’m still trying to figure out if alcohol intake is affecting my medicinal intake, its very simple…you cant mix chemicals and alcohol together …well these are prescribed by the doctor….did my doctor ask me to stop drinking??? A BIG NO to that!

15/16/17

My grey cells suffer of severe memory loss, afraid that someday i might end up been lost on the streets suffering of Alzheimer's but im sure i would find my way to this one person ! Well each of our memory cells could make an exception but this case in my life is different, trust me on this when i say its different so much so i would end up smiling all night like an idiot if witnessed by a 3rd party who would know my background history would think "damn! this boy is high on mushies!"
Its been a 13 months!!! i loWe the figure 13 !! i loWe all that has happend in past 13 months! its been an absolutely amazingly different trip in past 13 months, you would be a fool not to notice the caps 'W" !! yes..now that i have brought it to your attention let me introduce you to my discovery of a new drugg, a dose that gets me so high so high that the stars on the ceiling of my bedroom appear real! Now this non toxic overly high drugg does have a name and is only meant for me! I have a very weird style of naming the things/people i loWe, but this one has an idiotic name, yes the name means an idiot! 'Bozo'. I have my reasons to call her that, but whatever be the reason she has been the most amazing thing that could ever happen to a guy born on 17th Feb 1986! the most beautiful thing that a guy born on 17th feb 1986 could ever ask for! Personally if i look back and think about all the things i have done and when i sit down with her..with her head on my shoulder as she keeps reaching out to kiss me, her hands tangled around mine, all of this which leads to a smile *rare smile which is very difficult to be caught on film/memory stick lol, sparks on my face! Its a different world around her or with her a world which couldn't be explained as i type couldn't be pictured even if i tried to, couldn't be drawn or sketched if i had a choice. I believe the best feeling in this world is the feeling which cannot be explained and only felt or realized...its the exact feeling which she brings into my life as each day passes by...
Lowe Bonko :)

The Circus...

It was my 2nd week at RetailScape *my first proper work experience of my life....where in i actually figured how things would work in an agency and dream t of owning an agency! Well yes all of that did come true on 1st of Feb 2011! Winding up my masters degree me and 2 of my really good friends Smitha & Nitin, i set out to achieve what i think very few would have the nut sack to do so. In a 25ft by 6ft space we started 'Le Cirque' *french word for 'The Circus'. Three of us knew what we exactly wanted to do how we wanted to do and when we wanted to do it but there is always a 'THUDD' that we all face, shockingly we just faced it too often. We did have our ups and downs and downs and downs..well a company without investments wouldn't be full of profits now would it??? We did fight, i mean there came a time where "yess I DID FIGHT" but there are somethings which are meant to happen at the exact time and the exact moment with the exact/right people and there are things no matter how hard you try you simply cant help been pushed away. So sadly..well i wouldn't actually term it as sadly but nonetheless im happy with whatever i did or we did, my nut sack had the guts to do so and still has the same or more amount of guts to do it again with the right people if its meant to be in future. Well i have my plans with my circus card with my name printed across in my wallet and i will some day make sure the barren land has the colorful circus tent up with its creative acts running with the right ringmasters to take it till the end.

Hearing Damage.....

A tear in my brain
Allows the voices in
They wanna push you off the path
With their frequency wires...
You can do no wrong, in my eyes...
in my eyes, you can do no wrong....

A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say you’re getting better
But you don’t feel any better

Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
You wish you felt better
But you don’t feel any better...

Distorted...

"I am the bad one
Distant and cruel one,
I am the dream that...
Keeps you running down,
With distraction, Violent reaction,
Scars of my actions,
Watch me running out....!"